If George Strait starts dancing...
grr.. i havent posted in here for a while.. that's ok tho.. i'll just post twice as much today.. lol(and yes, it is another cledus posting.. ) hehehe..
If George Strait Starts Dancing
Every time a country awards show comes on my TV
I'm forced to put up with some choreography
I really like She*Daisy and Sara Evans is mighty fine
But I prefer my country music without all that bump and grind
So Shania put some clothes on
Stop prancin' all around
And Mark Miller I get dizzy watching you spin with Sawyer Brown
Even Jo Dee Messina's shaking her hips and all of her red
But if George Strait starts dancing somebody shoot me in the head
Well you never saw Hank Jr. do the electric bugaloo
And I can't see Merle Haggard moonwalking in his boots
Now Faith Hill is a diva and she can shake her bootyful thing
But I prefer my country singers to just hold real still and sing
So Kenny Chesney keep your hat on
Quit trying to get down
You don't see Brad Paisley sugar footin like James Brown
(Hey...I want to get in too)
Even the Dixie Chicks got their groove on and Earl's dead
But if George Strait starts dancing somebody shoot me in the head
Last night I had a bad dream that country was going pop
I seen Alan Jackson break dancing while McGraw did the robot
So Trace Adkins put one glove on if you're gonna dance like that
You move like Michael Jackson but you wear a cowboy hat
(Hee Hee)
Now I don't much agree with what Lee Ann Womack said
So if George Strait Starts dancin somebody shoot me in the head
If George Strait Starts dancin somebody shoot me in the head
Riding with Inmate Jerome -(parody of David Baul's (sp? oh gosh.. sorry.. ) "Riding with Private Malone")
I was just out of the rehab rolling through the neighborhood
When I came across this homeboy
Said he'd fix me up real good
He led me down an alley
And right through a chain link fence
I had a hundred dollars I could spend
It was parked out in the driveway at a house of ill-repute
And in the back seat hung a double breasted lime green suit
What that homeboy showed me nearly caused a heart attack
For what he called a hooptie was a sky blue Cadillac
And I felt a little nervous as I drove out of the hood
But I loved that furry steering wheel
And that dashboard made of wood
I opened up the mini bar and in there I found a note
The stationery said County Jail and this is what he wrote
He said my (missaint???) is inmate Leroy Jerome
And if youse readin this judge says I isn't coming home
Though I am incarcerated I'll make a deal with you
If you can keep my gals in line this car belongs to you
Now ride low
And drive slow
And make her yours own
You'll always be riding with Inmate Jerome
The grill on the radiator was gold and shiny bright
And I'd tell you those old curb feelers were handy late at night
I get the feeling sometimes if I turn real quick I'd see
A gold-toothed cat daddy in the seat right next to me
One night I was hoppin and when I heard the breaking glass
And I can still remember the sounds of bullets whizzin' past
Someone said they saw a man in a fur coat and fur hat
Push me out of the motorcar and take his Caddy back
It was a young man named inmate Leroy Jerome
He's out of the joint the parole board sent him home
Yes he was incarcerated...but he cut a deal or two
Now he's got a brand new pinky ring and new Bruno Malli shoes
Hey I think I caught a whiff of Michael Jordan's splash cologne
I sho nuff of riding with inmate Jerome
How Do You Milk a Cow? -parody of Toby Keith's "How Do You Like Me Now?"
Yeah I was always the lazy one,
A Southern Californian,
But I've got some kinfolk on the Mason-Dixon line.
So this summer just for fun
Hopped in my DeLorean
And headed for my uncle's farm for a short time.
I thought that I would be huntin' and fishin'.
I misunderstood him somehow.
So far there's nothin' but chores here to mention.
I didn't mind feedin the sows.
But HOW DO YOU MILK A COW?
How do you milk a cow?
I wasn't in FFA.
This cow must think i'm crazy
Up under it this way.
I'm sittin' here a pullin', but there ain't nothin' comin' out.
Oh E I E I O…
How do you milk a cow?
Yeah I love it here in Tennesse,
But these farmers all make fun of me.
Can't haul much hay in a tiny sports car.
So I got myself a 4 wheel drive,
Learned to spotlight deer at night,
And I've got shearin' sheep right down to an art.
One thing's for sure,
I hate shovelin' manure,
It gets all over my overalls.
Them horses need shoein'
I hear Bessie mooin'.
So I thought maybe I'd ask you all.
HOW DO YOU MILK A COW?
How do you milk a cow?
I think it's safe to say
A man could get arrested for this in LA
This heifer must be empty 'cause she ain't puttin out.
Oh E I E I O,
Tell me how do you milk a cow.
(Spoken)
This song is absolutely an "udder" disaster.
I hope I don't get mad cow diease.
How do you milk a cow?
I no longer care.
I'm gettin sick and tired of smellin' dairy air.
I'm headin' back to Cali
And I'm turnin' in my plow.
Oh E I E I O.
How do you milk a cow?
Please Take the Girl -parody of Tim McGraw's "Don't Take the Girl
Arnie's Daddy said he'd take him fishin',
If he'd just dig the bait.
He said: "Get lost, Dad, I'm watchin' mud wrestling,
"Go jump in the lake.
"Why don't you take that neighbour girl?
"The one that favours our dog."
His dad said: "Son, she might sink the boat,
"She weighs more than our hog."
And Arnie said:
"She's got a tackle box that you'd kill for,
"A ZebCo rod and reel.
"She won the Junior Bass Masters Tourney,
"And I just ate oatmeal,
"And I'm afraid I might hurl.
"Daddy, please, please take the girl."
Same limey boy, same large girl,
Eleven years with no date.
They finally married when they both realised,
They'd get a big tax break.
One night at the Laundrymat,
Washin' underwear.
A stranger pulled a water-gun;
Arnie soiled another pair, (Whoops.)
And whimpered:
Ain't got no money, in my wallet.
She's got the credit cards.
But they're all run up over the limit,
Won't get you very far.
And though her hair's up in curls, and she looks like Milton Burle,
She ain't wearin' fake pearls,
Mister please, please, please take the girl.
Well she ain't bad when she gets a couple of coats of that cold
cream on her, and a sack over her head.
A toothless Arnie, a whale of a woman,
Forty years down the tune.
One day they found him with a shotgun,
Buck-naked on the roof.
Doctor's said: "He's lost his mind,
"We'll have to take him away." (No o o o!)
As they strapped that straight jacket on him,
Someone heard him say -- he babled out loud:
If you'd lived with her, long as I have,
You'd be slap crazy too.
She's the one that's really a psycho,
More than a few screws loose.
She's nutty as a squirrel;
Doctor, please, please take the girl.
Get her outta here!
Arnie's Daddy said he'd take him fishin',
If he'd just dig the bait.
Is it Tim McGraw or John Anderson,
I'm trying to imitate?
I'm sorry Tim!
270 Somethin' -parody of Mark Wills' "19 Somethin' "
Wooo
(spoken)
You know a man does have to eat him somethin'
I love candy bars...eat them all the time
My combo meal's are super-sized
And I crave the stuff they put inside those dang ding dongs
mmmm
My cholesterol is off the chart
I keep a blood pressure cuff on my left arm
Doctor says that my poor heart won't last too long
My nickname in school was double wide
Cause my momma fried...
Now I weigh 270 somethin'
Always huffin and puffin
Lay around the house all day
No wonder I can't lose no weight
See that pizza on the TV
Oh man don't it look cheesy
You know they deliver here for nothin'
That's why I weigh 270 somethin'
My insurance said that they'd co-pay
I made the same appointment Carnie Wilson made
Plastic surgeon said he had a way to get those love handles off
He stapled and sucked stuff through a tube
I lost a hundred pounds in one afternoon
When I came to in the recovery room
Wuddn't much left of me
When he removed the bandages from my thighs
I couldn't believe my eyes
Now I weigh 180 somethin'
Didn't have to do much of nothin'
I'm lookin' like Jean Claude Van Damme
To fit in a pair Mark Wills' pants
Now everyone who sees me
Can't believe that I'm so skinny
My body fat is nearly nothin'
Ha ha
Now that I weigh 180 somethin'
WOOO
Ha Ha
Now I date a model with a GED
But do you think she'd be with me
I wonder (I wonder)
If I (If I)
Still weighed...270 somethin'
Stuffin down blueberry muffins
Onion rings and cans of SPAM
That's how I got so fat
Now everyone who sees me
Can't believe that I'm so skinny
I used to break a sweat just doin' nothin'
Back when I weighed 270 somethin'
Now I weigh 180 somethin'
(spoken)
Ah...well it's probably like more like around 225-26
None of y'all's business how much I weigh
Huh huh...
woo! nuff posting fer now.. :D
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